This is my outline and flow of thoughts for a 7 Habits group meeting discussing the 4th Habit: Thinking Win-Win.
We know what win-win is…do we know the secret to living a win-win life? With self, with family, and with others. Living Win-Win is Thinking Win-Win on the macro-level, wherein Thinking Win-Win is our spiritual orientation and therefore how we live our lives. Could we consider Thinking Win-Win the secret ingredient of alchemy 101 – transforming our fears of uncertainty into a fear-less life? It is those moments of lose-lose and win-lose that we shut ourselves off to opportunity, creativity, and growth. Only in Win-Win do we find synergy, momentum, and leverage.
Thinking Win-Win is a way of life. It is the integration of Love and Synergy and recognizing we are One. It is our Private Victory reflected out. Win-Lose and Lose-Lose create the illusion of separateness; only Win-Win connects us. Thinking Win-Win is the energy we bring to the interaction.
Secrets to a Living a Win-Win Life:
Secret #1: Change our Thinking: Win-Win
Secret #2: Manage our Emotions
Thinking Win-Win is a spiritual orientation and world-view. It is our Abundance or Scarcity manifested in every day transactions. Because we are born in love, we are love; our perspective is Abundance and Win-Win until we learn otherwise. Our perceptions of experiences and life circumstances may teach otherwise. One of the major incentives to change our thinking is because we are aiding our children in creating their world-view. We influence our children from very young and by 2nd plane (approximately age 7) they are living their world-view in their daily interactions.
Choices for every interaction: Win, Lose-Lose, Win-Lose, Lose-Win, Win-Win, & No Deal
Thinking Win-Win is the only way of thinking that leads to happiness and a happy home. Win-Lose & Lose-Lose cannot lead to happiness. And why? Because they are not virtuous. Look at the emotion attached to each mode of thinking. Happiness is always linked to virtue. We can’t be happy when we are part of a Lose-Lose or a Win-Lose exchange. Thinking Win-Win is our secret to a happy, peaceful home.
Emotions are the state of mind derived from our life circumstances. In the simplest terms, there are only two emotions – Love and Fear. At all times, we are operating from love or fear.
The emotions of Thinking Win-Lose & Lose-Lose: anxiety, anger, hate, depression, frustration, jealousy, judgment, guilt, resentment,unworthiness. I think we can add comparing, competing, conforming, perfecting, performing, pleasing. (That’s a lot to manage). These are all fear-based emotions.
The emotions of Thinking Win-Win: understanding, acceptance, compassion, love, patience, courage, worthiness, forgiveness. These are all love-based emotions.
How do we maintain these win-win emotions? Because the how-to live Win-Win is easy if you are in the love-based emotions. When is it hard to think Win-Win? When I am in fear-based emotions. My favorite question to ask myself in emotionally charged times: How would love respond? It is always going to begin with Thinking Win-Win.
What are the emotions that trip you up in parenting and block your ability to think win-win?
Without judging others, I am sure you can recognize people who seem almost incapable of thinking Win-Win; in every interaction they play the victim or saboteur. The other important characteristic to note about such people is they are not happy.
Thinking Win-Win and managing our emotions are the secrets to a peaceful, happy home.
What is the cheapest, easiest, healthiest way to manage our emotions and set ourselves up for Win-Win Living:
- Healthy Diet of food and friends
Planting Certainty Anchors – breathing, prayer, meditation, right-brain activities (whatever you do to free up the mind space and reset). Schedule them into your day and week.
Building Scaffolding – support systems that limit your risk and offer security.
Living Win-Win turns the fear of uncertainty and unknown into fuel for synergy, creativity, something greater.
Private Victory precedes Public Victory. And thoughts precede emotions. We must change our thinking to manage our emotions. Planting anchors and building scaffolding are tools for giving us the presence in the moment to choose our thoughts and emotions.
Thinking Win-Win with Children:
“Communicating Love: To communicate is to join and to attack is to separate.” ~ A Course in Miracles
When we speak from the ego, we call up the ego in others. When we speak from our spirit (love), we call up love in others.
Thinking Win-Win in Marriage:
“Marriage is a living organism that reflects the continuous choices of the individuals involved. An enlightened marriage is a commitment to participate in the process of mutual growth and forgiveness. A partner’s support and forgiveness enable us to stand forth more magnificently in the world. The married couple is not to think only in terms of what’s good for him or her, but rather what is good for them. This is one of the many ways in which marriage can be part of the healing presence of God.” ~ A Course in Miracles