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What is missing from your love life?

Discussing our love lives is a taboo subject in some circles.  I am not sure why, other than our own insecurities and fears.  What seems to be missing for most people is present moment connectedness.

We must be present in mind, body, and spirit to really share the art of love making with another soul.  When we operate with agendas, deadlines, and outcomes, our love lives fall short. 

We must allow ourselves the permission to just be, without judgments and expectations. Then and only then, when we are connected to our essence can we share it with one another in the beauty of love making.  It takes two to tango.  Both must be in the state of allowing and asking, giving and receiving.     

What I hear reverberating among females is tiredness and too many things to do (busyness and worries) and resentment and entitlements (judgments and failed expectations).  When we carry backpacks of worries, hurt, anger, resentment, and even wear them to bed, of course, we are exhausted. 

The infamous headache is a physical manifestation of emotional ache.    

The common complaint I hear among the female circles is what I am referring to as cave man syndrome – he wants it more than I care to, can do it at a drop of a hat, no foreplay necessary.  Women tend to want all the right conditions and especially no riffs in the water.  Perpetual resistance and denial is the perfect condition for the blossoming of his insecurities and fears – she doesn’t love me, she would rather read or watch television.  Therein we create a perpetual fear-feeding cycle, a self-fulfilling prophecy of not doing it.

The first act of awareness is to remember that Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.  We speak a different language.  Men speak physically; women speak emotionally.  This simple awareness can alleviate judgments and resentments.  It is an act of acceptance, the as-is-ness of the matter.  

The second act of awareness is to recognize making love is an act of service.  One discriminating factor is women want to be serviced before and men are of service afterwards.  So, we can have a standoff or a truce.

The science of love making is a simple if-then equation: 

If you want to make love tonight, then take out the trash this morning.

Mars Translation:  Serve her.

Venus Translation:  Don’t bring your backpack of fears (to-dos, worries, resentment, judgments, and unworthiness) to bed with you. 

A happy love life requires raising our consciousness and energetic vibrations, releasing expectations and fears, and being present to enjoy the moment.    

Love making is an ultimate act of mindfulness. 

Joyfear.  Love making is a marriage of emotions, somewhere between joy and fear.  It can be intense, and I am wondering if some people can’t handle it; sometimes we can’t handle it.  We must practice facing our fear and our joy head-on (pun intended).  To make love exposes us, literally and figuratively.  It makes us vulnerable.  We must believe we are worthy of joy and trust ourselves with our fear.  It is only when we are open to our rawness and nakedness that we can heal, grow, and become stronger as an individual and a couple. 

Passion.  Passion is the energy that is brought to the relationship.  Happy is the beginning not the ending.  The physical is the by-product of our emotional.  In a state of passion, we find an energetic charge, not depletion.  Passion is our authentic self and unique path to travel.  Passion does not have an attached expectation.  Passion is found in the zone, riding the wave wherever it leads. 

Compassion.  Compassion is adjoining our passion with another’s.  It is not possible to have compassion without passion.  Passion is a private victory; compassion is a public victory.  Available to our authentic and passionate self, we give of our authentic self.  To see each other in pure beauty, potential, and godliness; to love a perfectly imperfect human being; interdependence and connection, this is the art of love making.   

Our fears show up in the most inopportune times.  What we can’t hide in the covers is probably the exact issues we need to work on in our lives:  control, performance, paranoia, perfection, anxiety, worthiness, entitlement, scorekeeping, resentment, achieving, and expectation.  

Making love is an awakening in everyday awe and wonder.  It is so bold and beautiful, ordinary and extraordinary; it can only be experienced in the present moment. 

My intention is to raise our awareness and make us more mindful of our energy.  If we are operating in the past (resentment of failed expectations) or preparing for the future (agendas and expectations), we are not living with passion.  When we detour from our passion and our authentic self, we cannot experience the true oneness with another.

Making love is not about loving the person more or physical readiness.  It is about my “being” – being true to me and being present in the moment.  Only when I AM and you are, can we share the intimacy of making love.  

Cultivating Happy Beginnings,


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